Random and I mean very Random thoughts on getting fired.


"Oh shit, really?"

I want to have a party to celebrate my new status! (That costs money. Damn)

I apologize for not having more insights... too soon yet. But I will update as I think of things!

Another Bi-polar moment brought to you by insomnia

Yes...It's 3:15 AM and I am still up! I've taken my battery of meds and worked 12 hours as well... so you would think I might be tired.... But no! Not this girl. I am exhausted but I'm wide awake at the same time.

This is kind of how I am feeling tonight

.http://www.playlist.com/user/25745476/dashboard

I have to work at nine, so bottoms up and pray for rain.

If all goes well, I'll get a couple hours sleep!

Frenzied Fall

If you're bi-polar like me, you might relate to this. Every time the seasons change, I usually manic out. That is to say, I experience racing thoughts, sleeplessness, moodiness and just generalized bi-polar freaky deaky.

It's almost Fall and the equinox is short upon us. My little mind is doing it's thing, which is why I am writing at this hour!

I have slept some tonight. But I woke up at 3:22... we will see if I can get back to sleep. Anyway.. nothing else to report. I will end with a short list of some notable bipolars.

Kurt Cobain, Adam Ant, Mel Gibson, Isaac Newton, Sinead O'Connor, Ozzie Osbourne. Edgar Allen Poe, Aberham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Slyvia Plath, Virginia Woolf. There's more, but I can't think of them just now.

Soo.... happy Saturday. I work so I better get my ass back in bed.

September 18, 2009. 6:26 am

Before I log on all things bi-polar and whatever else enters my head, I want to start with my story. Ín 1999, I was living and working in Seattle. I had a cushy job in cubicalville and a great boyfriend. In the summer of 2000; June to be exact, I couldn't sleep. This had been a problem since I was fourteen. I would usually go two weeks without much sleep and because of my highs, I thought this was all part of my creative process.

But this time around was completely different. I couldn't sleep for a month. I tried everything I could legally try, but nothing worked. Each night I didn't sleep, I literally felt like bangning my head against a wall to push out all the rapid thoughts that were racing around in my tired brain.

Finally, someone suggested I go to the hospital. So, I went to the E.R. and after talking to me and observing me, I was diagonsed with type 2 Bi-polar. At that moment, I remember not having much of a reaction. I suppose I was a bit shocked, but I was so tired that I didn't care and I knew nothing about the illness.

I was given some meds to help me sleep and then referred to a counsellor. My first counsellor was completely inept. She put me on meds that I never should have been on. On of them was a funny little pill called Zyprexa. When I was diagonsed with the illness, I weighed 180 pounds. I'm 5'9 so I was gettint to a point where I didn't want to put on any more poundage.
I gained 50 pounds on Zyprexa and went off that med very quickly.

After I was diagnosed and put on meds that I believe were maknig my situation worse, I became completely inconsolable. I was staying with a friend and every night I cried uncontrollably. I was very, very sad.

Finally, I had to admit to myself that something was drastically wrong. Looking back, I should have been hospitalized.. but I wasn't. Though I loved Seattle, I was in no shape to stay there. (By this time I had quit my cushy job because I was too emotional) so I moved back to my home town hoping to find the right psychiatrist and the right meds.

In 2003, I suffered another breakdown and checked myself into the hospital for six days. That was the last time I was hospitalized.

So, here I am in 2009, still learning about what it means to be bi-polar and dealing with the day to day.

My goal here is to just log my thougts.. good or ill, funny or not funny- just as they are.
If anyone out there actually reads this... tell me your story.

I will conclude for now.... very tired as I haven't been sleeping.... oh the joys of insanity!!